[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Saturday, January 26th, 2002|
|"Dear Josh, we stopped by to fuck you but you were not here.Therefore, you are gay. -Enid and Becky"
I'm so glad to be back at school! This week has been totally insane, but in a good way. I've gotten absolutely no work done yet, but it's okay...I've been having such a blast. On Tuesday Jonah came over and we played X-Box and watched In the Mouth of Madness, on Wednesday he came over and we watched Revenge of the Nerds, on Thursday I went next door and hung out with him for a couple of hours while he was working at the service desk, and last night me, him, Dorothy, and Dan went to Willard-Straight to see Ghost World, and tonight I think that me, him, and Dan might be going to a show. Even if we don't get to go tonight it'll be cool with me because I really have a lot of work to do, and especially a lot of statistics homework to do. So we'll see, but anyway, this week has been so kickin'. Plus Jonah got me a job next door, so I'll be working with him on Wednesdays, which is going to be really fun. And my classes are going to be so cool, I can tell already, and what's cool is that I'm making really fast friends just from wearing my red Goonies hooded sweatshirt. It's really funny because I don't even have to say anything...people just walk right up to me and start talking to me about my sweatshirt because it like causes this pleasant sense of regression back to the 1980's. So from the looks of things I think this semester will be really great...tough, yeah, but great, and this summer will be cool since I'll get to be a camp counselor and live away from home, then next year hopefully I'll get to live at Risley and me and Jonah can take the Art of Teaching class where we get to play with kids and Play-Doh and stuff...awesome. Okay, I should stop now because I really have to actually do some work.
|Monday, December 17th, 2001|
|sleep what's that?
This is absolute insanity. I have never been under so much pressure before in my life. I studied for 11 and a half hours yesterday for my human bonding final...i've got to be legally insane by now. i can't even believe how much studying i've been doing nonstop for the past 2 and a half weeks...and the end isn't even in sight yet. i've got my children's lit final tomorrow which i'm pretty worried about, and my anthro final is on wednesday which i'm also worried about since i never got the chance to read the books, and then on friday is my adolescence final which i don't think will be that bad. but hey you know what? my spirits are soaring right now, partly because of the cappuccino kick that i'm on right now, and partly because i'm listening to my fifteen tape on my walkman, which i haven't listened to in way too long.
it sucks because everybody around me seems to be winding down and i've still got three more finals to worry about and all. well, one good thing about being here until friday is that i'll get to hang out with jonah again before i leave since he's not leaving until saturday. but really, i'm doing pretty well at this point as far as finals go, because i think i did really well on my community outreach final, which i took thursday, and my human bonding final, which i took a few hours ago. at least i've got two out of the way.
oh man, i have really missed fifteen. i think i've been listening to the wrong stuff lately. i need my fill of jeff ott, and less of all of the "i like this girl but she don't like me so i'm crying now" stuff...nothing wrong with that really, but i need something more cognitively fulfilling, i think. oh yeah. i want to play intelligence qube. you know what? fuck finals. i'm skipping out. i'm going home. no, hell, i'm getting out of here and i'm moving to new york so i can get my master's at columbia and start my totally awesome child psych practice. yeah, that's it. graduating from college is overrated, anyway...just skip right to the master's; that's what i say.
okay i've gotten practically no sleep for several nights in a row now because my anxiety levels are skyhigh due to finals bullshit...my thoughts are becoming a bit muddled now. every time i go home i'm always left physically and emotionally drained because of all of the readings and exams and everything...i have a feeling that by the time my dad gets here on friday i'll probably only have enough energy to crawl to the car and pass out for the whole ride home.
i'm really being drained of all of my energy this week...i feel like it's killing me. jonah and i will probably hang out on thursday, and i'm all like "yeah you can come over after work and we can watch movies and play video games all night and have like a really kickin' sleepover bash since jayme will be home by then," but i'm just thinking this and haven't verbalized it and it's kind of a good thing because i think that at this point my brain is functioning at the level of a seven-year-old. i mean, i'm just now reading what i just typed and i'm like, what? who typed that? i really think everything's getting to me now. i don't even make any sense anymore, but i think that my main function right now is as a source of amusement for jayme and jonah. that's pretty funny i guess. that's what finals'll do to you at cornell, i guess. i am totally losing it. but it's okay. i should study. fuckin' a. Current Mood: drained
|Tuesday, December 4th, 2001|
|"i have to get up so...stupid early."
woah, I guess I'm in a writing kind of mood today. so it's 4:00pm right now, and matt's at work until 9pm and jayme's working until 6:00 and jonah's probably at work until about 7:30 (that's another reason it's good that I got a job; I'm starting to feel like a bit of a slacker in terms of work even though I spend like hours every day reading and doing homework...but hey, if all of my friends can handle jobs on top of the schoolwork, then I'm sure that I can, too. and it is true that literally all of my friends have jobs since paul works at the fitness centers, and jayme's in the map room, and jonah's at the noyes service center plus tutoring, and matt has the job at lincoln hall...yeah, it's about time i got a job. plus i'm sick of asking my mom to put money in my atm account...that got really old really fast.
anyway so yeah, everybody's working so my plans are to read rule of the bone for adolescence and summer of my german soldier for children's lit in my bean bag chair spot in the corner until 6pm then jayme and i will probably go eat dinner next door at jansen's (i really think i'm dangerously obsessed with their salads), then i'll go for my jog with the hopes of catching up with jonah on the way back (probably to no avail, but it's okay), then i'll go back to the room and try to read as much as possible until we go to bed, which will most likely be much later than when i want to go to bed, but i really need to read and study as much as possible since we're coming up on the last lap of the semester and all. I guess that's it for tonight; nothing too exciting but for some reason i felt like writing it down, maybe to give myself comfort in the future because hey, sometimes nothing is going on but it's still cool. even when pretty much everybody SUCKS. this entry was probably the most boring one i've written but sometimes you just feel like writing and you don't even know why.
|I think in Matt's tired stupor, he would have driven us all the way to Massachussetts for his Legos.
Everything's just weird right now. It's like third grade ethics are prevailing on the floor, and as a result me, Matt, and Jayme have been totally cast out and all. Which honestly I don't really care about but the thing is that it's really starting to dig into me, not because I feel left out or anything because I was never "in" in the first place, but I hate having to look away whenever I run into stupid people. I don't want to talk to them but isn't ignoring them bringing me down to their stupid level? I guess I'll just keep doing what I've been doing and not pay attention to anything because nobody here is worth it anyway. It's not like we were ever friends anyway, but this bullshit is expending my energy and I just want everything to go back to its old neutral state so I can stop averting my gaze and taking different routes to get my mail and all. Everybody is so stupid.
But not everybody really, because in a sense Hope's ridiculously infantile behavior and the ostracism (i don't think that's a word but i don't care right now) that followed has brought me a lot closer to Matt, and we've been spending a lot of time together lately. On Friday, that fateful night when the tables were turned, we went to Wegmans, then on Saturday we went to buy toys at Ames then ate at RPU on North then went to see Bent at Risley, then on Sunday we went to Comm-Comm for dinner, and last night we ate at Jansen's and later we watched But I'm A Cheerleader. Lots of bonding has been going on lately, but I wonder if it all still would have happened if Hope hadn't been such an idiot--am I just his convenient fallback friend? I don't really think Matt's like that though. Plus he was all happy for me when I told him about getting the job yesterday and I'm sure it was genuine, plus he was all psyched about my new coat, which seems pretty trivial but usually Matt doesn't pay attention to much other than stuff that matters to him so I'm guessing that the bonding was real and we really are becoming good friends.
Yeah, that's one kickin' thing that happened yesterday, I got the job at the Two Naked Guys cafe (catchy name) in the lobby of the Art Museum, which is the job that I really wanted anyway. So I start next week with that so I'm trying to learn how to make cappuccinos and lattes and espressos and all, and Matt actually gave me a video to watch and gave me a little mock demonstration and all since he used to work in the cafe in Barnes and Noble.
When Matt and I went to get the mail yesterday he was all doing fake wrestling moves on me in front of the service desk, which is pretty funny since Jonah was working then and he's so obsessed with wrestling for some reason. When I got the package slip saying that I got my LL bean coat Matt was like "hey you should save that for a day when you need to see Jonah and want to talk to him," and I said "yeah! for when I need a positive interaction." It's just pretty neat that he said that because it's the way my mind works, though not so much by way of Jonah anymore.
I'm supposed to hang out with Jonah sometime this week, either go see a movie or play video games or do something, but I haven't really talked to him much about it since Friday. Hopefully tonight I'll run into him on the way back from my jog and we can decide on something because (in his words) I really feel like "kickin' it" with him this week. I think I kind of need it because otherwise I'll end up killing everybody in the dorm. Which is another stupid thing, since Hope works with him she'll probably try and steer Jonah into thinking that i am just a total and complete idiot, and hopefully he realizes that she is acting like a whiny eight-year-old.
And Paul is cool, taking the time to send me the pictures of the insane waves that he got to watch from the cliffs when he went home to Menlo Park over the break. Status: Jayme, Jonah, Matt, Paul: positive. Everybody else: ridiculously and needlessly negative. Oh fucking well, I have no time for stupidity right now. I have to go to Human Bonding then the Fitness Center job interview so I can tell them that I can't take the job because I found a better one with a neat atmosphere, all the Cappuccino I can handle and oh yeah also, Gwen says it's really slow most of the time so I should bring a lot of homework to do. Good deal. They can pay me for studying and doing homework anytime. Current Mood: aggravated
|Thursday, November 29th, 2001|
|"matt, you truly are the king of all whores."
So I'm reading Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone right now for my Children's Lit class and it's so awesome...I keep putting off all of my other work so I can read it, which isn't too smart but hey. Also I'm reading Rule of the Bone for my Adolescence class, and that's a really great book, too. I can't believe how fast this semester has gone by. It's so crazy that finals are in like 2 weeks. I don't feel like trekking up the slope for Human Bonding today...I feel like just hanging out here and reading. My only consolation is that I'll get to have my Cappuccino if I go, and who am I kidding because I never skip my classes anyway, so why would I start now? So I think me and Jonah are going to go see another movie either tonight or tomorrow. He wants to see K-Pax which looks really sucky to me, so I'll see if I can convince him to give Waking Life or some other movie a try. I brought my N64 back to school with me after break and I'm so addicted to Mario Tennis, and once the other controller comes in the mail I will stage elaborate Mario Tennis tournaments with Jayme and Jonah and they will go down because I am unstoppable. Oh yeah. Everything's been funny lately; I think it's because of all the stress that I've been under with all of the schoolwork and all. I've probably been laughing so I don't end up killing everyone. Matt and I had this IM conversation last night that was just hilarious, and it's hard to explain but it ended with me typing "matt, you truly are the king of all whores" and he caught the Simpsons' Film Festival episode reference so that was pretty cool. Current Mood: amused
|Wednesday, November 14th, 2001|
|"i feel like i'm stuck in Stand By Me...This night was too good to be true."
Okay, let's see. Lately I've been really busy, but kind of in a good way. Jonah and I have been hanging out a lot lately. We really have a fun time together and I feel like we were meant to become friends, which is really cool, and the more we hang out the more comfortable we become with each other, although when other people are around it kind of changes the whole dynamic of our relationship in a way that I can't really explain, but oh, well. I feel as if we really complement each other well. We went to see Heist on Friday which I knew would be lame and yup, it was, but just the fact that we went was enough for me--we still had fun. The kid's just awesome and we have a blast throwing warnings at each other on Instant Messenger and battling it out on the VirtuaTennis game at the movies.
Tonight me and Jayme are going to go see Ghost World at Fall Creek Pictures, which I'm really excited about because I've been waiting to see this film since the summer and it'll be neat to check out another independent theatre besides Upstate to see how it's different. I don't know about this weekend yet--it might be okay but I've got a lot of reading and studying to do. On Saturday at 5pm there's a show next door which I'll probably go check out, and then I don't know what...there's a show at JAM which I'm thinking about going to, but also Jonah's band is playing at the Nines, which I was going to skip since it's not my type of environment and I just saw them play on Saturday for the third time and I don't want it to turn into overkill, but his girlfriend Dorothy will be there on Saturday and we have a blast together and I never get to see her so...I'm thinking about it. But most likely I won't go this time. Next time.
Yeah, so me and Paul went to the anti-racism benefit show at Risley on Saturday and that was pretty fun, and we met up with Jonah and Dan and then we all piled into Jonah's car along with his drum set which I'm still pretty amazed about, dropped Dan off at the apartment and then went to get something to eat. Jonah, Paul and I seem to always have a good time together--there's a good kind of friendship chemistry there. Then when we got back to Risley we saw Jonah's friends' band, Purple Grip, a pretty shallowesque pop-punk band but I think their hearts are in the right place and the kid who looks like Peter seems like he might be a pretty cool guy. Jonah's band played at midnight and that was pretty funny because by that time only like 8 people had stuck around and most of us were friends of the band and all, so really it was a fun show because everybody just played around and stuff. So anyway, I'm droning on and on but my point was that last Saturday was fun. Now I should probably start checking out readings for my Human Bonding Prelim which is on Tuesday just before I leave for home for Thanksgiving break, which by the way I am looking forward to a whole lot...I'm really ready to go home and touch base. I don't want it to be like fall break, though, when I was never home because I was always hanging out with people and having to go shopping and stuff...I want to just kick it this time, and spend time with my parents, brother, and animals. And watch Nickelodeon, the Disney Channel, and the Cartoon Network because I've been missing them a lot since I never have time to watch tv anymore. Okay, I'll wrap it up here. Current Mood: busy
|Wednesday, October 31st, 2001|
|"Mom, I need SOCKS!"
Okay, it's been a really long time since I've written in this. So it's Halloween, but I haven't really done that much Halloween-type stuff...Matt, Justin, and I went to Noyes Community Center next door, snuck into their little costume dance party and made out with cups of cider, lots of donuts and a whole lot of chocolates and candy. Altogether today 12,000 pounds of candy was delivered to the Cornell campus...that's just insane, but then a lot of it was for kids whose parents can't take them trick-or-treating, which is cool. So this weekend should be good...Jonah, his friend Dan and I are going to the De La Hoya/After the Fashion/Hiretsukan(a G-7 Welcoming Committee band! Whoo-hoo!)/Building on Fire show at the Women's Community Center, and that show should be kickin', so I'm excited. Plus now I have a ride so I won't have to walk there, which cuts out a half an hour, and he said maybe we'll grab some dinner beforehand, so that'd be good. Also my parents are visiting for the weekend, and I'm psyched about that, too, because I want to show them around and we'll get to eat at Aladdin's(a natural food eatery where I had the best falafel pita ever at Hope's birthday dinner) and the Moosewood, the nationwide famous all-vegetarian restaurant that comes out with all of the famous vegetarian menus. I'm so psyched. I still don't know about housing for next year, but I'm pretty sure that Jayme and I are going to go into the housing lottery and get single rooms somewhere in the Gothics, and that will be really awesome if we get to do that. On Saturday at midnight I went to the Von Cramm co-op and met up with Jonah because his band was playing...there was also a Halloween party going on and I wasn't into that of course, but I still had fun because I got to meet Jonah's girlfriend Dorothy and she's just awesome--a really cool person and very easy to talk to. Then on Tuesday night when I was going on my daily run-walk I ran into Jonah, who was getting ready to move his drum set out of Von Cramm into his car, so I helped him with that and that's when I told him about the show that's on Friday and all. Plus Jayme's leaving for Virginia tomorrow and won't be back until Sunday, and she's a great roommate and a great friend and all but it'll still be nice to have the room to myself for awhile. Tomorrow I only have one class, Human Bonding, and it's optional because we're watching a movie, but it's an award-winning documentary so I'm going to go anyway, and I have a million hours of reading to do but I don't really mind because I'm reading Treasure Island for Children's Lit and Crooked Little Heart for Behavior Problems in Adolescence which helps to balance out all of the sucky reading that I have to do, and I got a 100 on my Community Outreach prelim so...things are going pretty well right now. Good deal. Current Mood: content
|Wednesday, September 26th, 2001|
|i am dork-girl
I am like the king of blowing things out of proportion. Current Mood: relieved
|Tuesday, September 25th, 2001|
|"The best things don't ever exist."
Tonight has just been really sucky. I went to see Jonah, and yeah, he's still cool and I think we're going to be really good friends, or maybe we could have been, but probably not now. Hope was being an idiot and she dragged me back to Noyes and she was just being stupid and he didn't say a word to me, not that I blame him. Hope can be really loud and stupid sometimes. Then later Kenesha put this stupid away message on my im thing, and right after he saw it he signed off and hasn't been back on since. I thought I had the makings of a really neat friendship but now it's over and I didn't even fucking do anything. He had invited me to this show on Saturday but I'm not going and I'm going to try to avoid him at all costs because I just don't feel like dealing with it. I was pissed off at everyone before so I ran down some streets with my walkman on and then came back to the room, but that wasn't enough so then I trekked up the slope with my walkman on and went to the plantations, and there were no lights so I started to come out and then I caught sight of this statue, and it's a naked kid sitting down and clasping his hands around his legs with his head down--hard to explain but that's what I felt like. I can't stand anyone. "The best things don't ever exist." Guess so. Fuckin' A. Current Mood: crushed
|Thursday, September 20th, 2001|
So yeah, there's this kid named Jonah who's pretty neat. He's in my Children's Lit class (though he's never there because he can't wake up on time) and he works with Hope at Noyes, so I see him pretty often. He's the nicest kid, and he plays the drums and sings in a jazzy-bluesy type band--not my style but they're an excellent band, and he's a good drummer and a really good singer. He always asks Hope random questions about me when they're at work, and he keeps telling her he thinks I'm cool(he'll find out I'm a hopeless nerd soon enough, but therein lies the charm), and he told me about this show at the JAM program house on North Campus on Friday night, and he was like, "yeah, there'll be like five punk/emo bands there, you should definitely come," and it was funny because I was going to catch a ride with Matt since he's going to NYC this weekend so he was going to drop me off at home, and then right after Jonah told me about the show I was like "Forget it, Matt," and Jayme's like "Ha, ditching your parents for this Jonah character, eh?" but it's not even that because I have this feeling that he'll either be at the show with his girlfriend (or boyfriend, 'cause I don't even know), or he won't be there at all, and the whole night will turn into an episode of My So-Called Life, but anyway...I feel like I need to go to this because if I don't I'll always feel like I missed the opportunity, even if it was never really there. So we'll see. And cappucino gives my day such a kick; it's awesome. Current Mood: nervous
|Sunday, September 2nd, 2001|
Yup, so Kevin Smith is coming to speak at Cornell on October 1st...whoo-hoo! I'm pretty psyched, and it's only 4 dollars for a ticket, plus there will be a Kevin Smith film festival beforehand which Kevin will also probably be at--good deal. I'm good friends with my roommate and with the kid across the hall, Matt, and the two girls next door, Hope and Kinesha. So we all hang out together a lot, and we go to dinner and stuff together...things are going really well right now. I hope nothing changes.
|Monday, August 27th, 2001|
|"Hold on to the corners of today, and we'll fold it up to save until it's needed..."
It's getting better now. I'm still overwhelmed with the size of the campus and all (22 dining halls and 19 libraries...ahhhhh!) but I'm getting to know more people and I'm starting to feel more comfortable. This kid Matthew across the hall seems really neat, plus he has a cappucino machine, so that's good for the mornings I have 9:00am classes. Yesterday at 9:30pm me and this other kid named Matt started up a game of freeze tag on the Arts Quad and that was a blast, and then it started to rain and I walked back to the dorm and at the top of the hill I could see the Gothic towers with some lights on and I could see the buildings of the city beyond it and it was pouring, and everything seemed nearly perfect. Than at the bottom of the hill I met up with these two kids, Rochelle and umm...Alex, I think. All I know is that he had this neat afro. Anyway yeah, we started talking and they seem really neat and they're only a couple of dorms away from me, so I'll probably get to know them better and tonight at 7:00 there's a meeting for environmental activists in the Arts Quad so whoo-hoo! I'm all psyched for that. I have to go to this Human Development meeting so...maybe I'll write more later. Current Mood: hopeful
|Tuesday, August 14th, 2001|
|So Long Dork-Boy
I'm so excited; I got A-'s in my human biology and precalculus courses! I can't believe I passed precalculus. Luckily my teacher graded people based on how hard they tried, and not just how many answers they got right. I can't believe I'm leaving in 10 days. I really can't wait; my mom has really been getting on my nerves lately and I want to get out of here. I think I'll really miss the animals, though.
I don't understand why Heather Matarazzo is in the Princess Diaries. Maybe it's like an inside joke, and she was always laughing about it with her friends in between shoots. Well, actually, the movie sucked but the character that she played was kind of neat...still, I don't get it. But she still remains loyal to the independent film scene, which is enough for me...she's still an awesome actor.
I wish I could go on vacation or something. All I've done this summer is go to classes and do homework and stuff. I have to read the book Guns, Germs, and Steel before I get to Cornell so I'll be ready to "discuss freely my ideas and opinions involving the author's intentions within various large and small study groups." Yeah, the topic is interesting (the author tries to find out why certain groups of people prevailed over others, and like why Caucasians weren't the slaves of African Americans instead of the opposite, etc.), but the reading is very slow-going because it's such a dry style of writing. I'm only on page 120 and I've got 300 more pages to go...ahhhhh! I don't know how I'll finish it on time.
Last night the movie Kalifornia was on Showtime, and I got so excited because the last time I saw that movie was when I was 13 and it's cool because I still think David Duchovny's really neat. If I could work with somebody as neat as Fox Mulder I'd be an FBI agent, too, then I'd be on the inside and I could break down the internal workings of the FBI that try destroy groups like Earth First!, animal liberation activists and the Black Panther Party. Oh, and also the Dropkick Murphys were on Conan O'Brien last night, so I got all excited about that, too. If I had a band it'd be called "So Long Dork-Boy," for sure. I think that's a neat name for a band. Okay, I think that's it. Current Mood: pleased
|Tuesday, August 7th, 2001|
Yup, so this is my last week of summer classes, then I've got two weeks until I leave for school. I really should be studying right now, but I'm going to wait until later. It's way too hot. I can hear my mom watching Jenny Jones a couple of rooms over and nothing could make me want to vomit more. I don't feel like writing. Current Mood: anxious
|Tuesday, July 31st, 2001|
So let's see...I'm wasting time right now because I don't feel like studying for my bio test and lab practical, both of which I have tomorrow...whoo-hoo. But I'm actually in an okay mood because I got a B on my last precalculus test, so I might actually pass the course...I just bought a bright green Nintendo 64 with my birthday money (I guess I should have gotten something more practical since I'm going away to school in the fall, but you know what?!?) and I only had enough money to get Mario Tennis, so that's all I've been playing lately...nerdcore. It's a pretty neat game, and it's a good distraction from my classes, so...it serves its purpose. I really can't wait to get out of here. I'm looking way ahead, past Cornell, to when I graduate from college...maybe I'll move to New York City for a while and get my Master's there...then I want to live in as many places as I can. I want to try San Francisco for a while, but there won't be much rain or cold weather, which what I like, so...we'll see. Hopefully I'll be able to go abroad for a semester while I'm at Cornell--probably England. So I've talked to my future Cornell roommate, Jayme, a couple of times...she seems pretty neat; I think we'll get along. She always takes photos so she probably won't get annoyed at the fact that my camcorder is practically glued to my hand, and she likes reading, video games, and horror movies, so I think we'll probably get along smashingly. I don't think I'll ever want to get married, but if I do someday it'll be in the evening in a clearing in the woods, and maybe there'll be a haunted house or haunted hayride nearby...but no, I don't think I'd want to. I'm really ready to leave Dutchess, but I'll miss Mr. Stevens and the trips to NYC, and some kids like Jessica and Matrona and Sean...but I'll keep in touch with them, anyway. Well, maybe not with Sean, but he's neat and it was so cool to have him to hang out with in NYC, and I'll see him when I go to the mall since he works there...but I hate the mall, so not too often. Other than that, basically, I'm done with Dutchess. But it sucks because I haven't really had any summer...I had spring classes, then a summer session 1 class, and now I have 2 classes in the second summer session, with no break in between the sessions...oh,well. I'm eating baby carrots...yup, I sure am. Well, I guess that's enough for now.